Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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