Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Barsexuality is the new black.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
