If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
