I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
