I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
