Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
