Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
