What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
