Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize