I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
