Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
