nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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