Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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