They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
