youre lurking in front of me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
