Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
