It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
