my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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