the condom got lost in my hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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