Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We smell like vodka and hangover
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