I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
