I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
