Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
