I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
