I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
