Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
