Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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