like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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