Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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