No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
