there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
