We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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