i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd cum for enchiladas.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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