i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
