Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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