I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
