Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
