After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think people are normalizing furries
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
