Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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