people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
