Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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