I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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