I smell stomach acid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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