I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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