; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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