I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
