My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
