Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
