She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
