I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
