Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
