You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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