So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
