The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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