Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
