I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
