mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You dont lie about slip and slides
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
