I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
