Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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