okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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