I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
