she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.