I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.