Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich