We got so high we made milksteak
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
