pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
