Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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