Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
