Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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