once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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