i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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