I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
