you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
