Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
