I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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