My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize